Forgotten NOISE & MOVIE Treasures #2

Noiseape's recommendations of forgotten noise & movie treasures PART 2 !!!
THE MAGIC SWORD (Bert I. Gordon/USA/1962)
Yes fellow freaks, here the ultra campy and cheesy
fantasy epic masterpiece about and evil wizard and a hero with a magic sword
who wants to save the princes before she turns into lunch for a awesome looking
two headed dragon. Yes it’s cheap and a stupid kids fairytale but holy cow
Batman, it has an overdose of mad shit in it making it a great one to watch
stoned on a boring Sunday afternoon. Tons of psychotic FX, a chimp, freaky
midgets, coneheads, deformed succubus bitch, stupid giant and some cool set
pieces and lets not forget the evil wizard and is voice of doom. Roll a joint
and have some fun!

STAR CRYSTAL (Lance Lindsay/USA/1986)
A guilty pleasure left from the good old days of video renting. When you would walk endlessly around the shelves stacked with awesome looking video covers staring at you wanted to be watched and then you would pick out Star Crystal of course! Low budget sci fi monster thrash but somehow very enjoyable one. About some space ship that has escaped from a blown up space station that had Millenium Falcon parts sticked to his outer doors (for real!). On board of this shuttle there is a little alien critter that looks like a slimy red glowing slug with E.T.’s head on it, glowing like his finger and covered in slime PLUS! It has tentaclessssssssssssssssss YEAH! Movies with tentacle’s always rule! First the alien takes over the ship and kills its crew but there is a giant plot twist I cannot tell, you got to see it for yourself and be amazed!! He he he…. WTF! Anyway, it’s stupid but I like it. It also features the most used prop in sci fi history (I have seen this red laser tube light device in many many sci fi movies and series inc. Star Trek) and you find it hear in the engine room (hint). Cheesy 80’s sci fi treasure!! LOVE THAT STUFF!!!
BUDDHA’S PALM (Taylor Wong/HK/1982)
Another high light in Shaw Brothers kung fu madness is this insane fantasy martial arts freak fest. This movie goes lightning fast just like its plot so I’m keeping it simple as there is tons of stuff going on and loads of colorful characters. It all centers around a guy that gets pushed off a cliff and gets saved by the golden dragon-dog who happens to be the pat of a kung fu master named Flaming Cloud devil who has the power of Buddha’s palm aka, he can shoots energy flames out of his hands! This cliff jumper becomes his pupil and together they fight the evil Food Monster who is another bad ass kung fu master who also happens to be the master of the tribal drums of death and deafness! Now the retardotron meter goes pretty much nonstop in red due to the avalanche of crazy shit that is going on besides tons of ass kicking, sword fights and folks flying around like superman. You get your kung fu light saber, laser hands, fire swastika’s, silver foil assassin, exploding bodies, acid spewing tumor, and of course Mr. Food Monster with his stretch-leg of death. Go see this marvelous piece of Hong Kong cinema, a real BEER & BONG UBER CLASSIC!!!

WRECKAGE: from experiments to extinction 2xLP (Scrotum Jus Recs/Sing/2012)
Sadly this band never got a record deal and disappeared of the planet after 4 ripping demo’s that are presented here. Experiment In Terror demo ’86, From The Ashes demo ’87, World Of Despair demo ‘88 and Dillema demo ’89. Pretty brutal thrash metal with some hardcore influences that reminds me a lot of a band like NUCLEAR ASSAULT and EXODUS. Grab your skateboard and break your neck and I’ll thrash and circle pit on your corpse and paint the word satan with your blood on my skull while sing along to “would you please die”. A HEADBANGERS DELIGHT!

NOSFERATU: in remembrance LP (To The Death/Blood Harvest/Swe/2012)
Thanx a ton Blood Harvest and To The Death for digging up this treasure and put it on wax. Superior early Swedish thrashing death metal massacre. that doesn’t sound like Nihilist or Dismember clone but has more U.S. influenced death metal sound to it. You can hear some Obituary influences especially in the guitar section. Love every track of this compilation. You can hear the corpse of Thor crawling out of its icy coffin when listening to this! Think the members where pretty young when they made this incredible stuff looking at the pics provided on the inlay. Contains unreleased EP from 91, and two demo’s from 1990. Atmospheric ancient Swedish death metal masterpiece!

INDUSTRIAL HOLOCAUST  / NOISE : split EP (Primayus Musicland records/Bra/1993)
Superior unbeatable noisecore/grindnoise devastation from Brazil! If you are a fan of brutal noisecore/grindnoise stop here and track it down. Play it loud and make your parents happy! Noise have a more grindnoise approach to their side of the slaughter while Industrial Holocaust do it in a more 7MON/Gero fashion way, with awesome OEH AAH OEH AHH vocals I fucn love! FUCK THE SYSTEM AND MAKE BRAINDRILLING NOISECORE!!

NOISE / EX-THREMA AFLICAO CHRUEL: split EP (Extreme Delirium Recs/Bra/2000)
Another noisecore holocaust masterpiece of ear ripping destruction and brain melting noise sanity, Noise are legendary on this one. Nasty primitive noisecore/grindnoise destruction and if you survived this side of the black gold then turn it over for another overdose of low fi insanity with the lovely freaks of Ex-Threma for a good  solid old noise enema!! WARNING! VIOLENT NOISE SHIT!!

NOISE WASTE / CAUSE FOR EFFECT: split EP (MerwiRecs/Freak Animal +1/Fin/1995)
Another great demented noise split! NOISE WASTE from Finland with Mikko(Nihilist Commando and a zillion other bands) play killer noisecore and destroyed our hearing with 49 monster hits. Love the sound on this recording and the “scum” spoof cover art. It starts off with a Terveet Kadet like hardcore intro and then it bursts into aural noise massacre! Cause For Effect where kinda weird and had their own distinctive sound and style of groovy grind with some metal edge and a clean sound. Ultra funky stuff, very underrated band.

MINDROT: endeavor EP (Tempest/USA/1991)
Great platter of gloomy doomcore with great filthy sound. It’s almost death metal to my ears listening to it again but you can clearly hear the crusty stenchcore/hardcore roots baked in it. Some members of this outfit later turned up in DYSTOPIA. Two great decompositions of atmospheric darkness! Would love to find that 1990 demo on Wild Rags someday.

FEVER: too bad but true LP (Digital Hardcore Recs/Ger/1998)
Very underrated abstract hip hip album from underground legends Paul P.M. and Din-ST. (who made a couple of cool breakcore platters). Fans of EL-P should definitely check this record out. The music is great, full of broken beats, digital hardcore trademarks and off beat rhythms. Paul P.M. has a cool rap flow. Just roll a joint and have a listen to this wild psycho hip hop ride. Slow and low, that is the tempo!  

AL CORRUPT / TOECUTTER: split 12” (system corrupt/Aus/2002)
Great party crasher from Oz, crazy fucked up breakcore/gabber/distorted booty bass/ghetto tech and top40 fuck ups that gets destroyed like i like to move it and Barbie girl. This one goes all over the place. Good one the blow the dust out of your stinking speakers!! IF YOU DON’T MAKE THAT BOOTY MOVE, THAT BOOTY MUST BE DEAD!

Before the classic series got launched and to cash in on the Star Wars hype, there was this awesome pilot movie.  A bunch of space Christians led by commander Adama are on the run after their colonies got destroyed by the AWESOME Cylons army and its master of disaster BALTAR! The space Christians fight for survival in their mega battleship the Galactica in search for holy planet earth. With hordes of Cylon Vipers on their tail they make a pit-stop at a local party planet that is luring humanoids in their casinos. But when running out of luck, your ass turns into food for flesh hungry insect like alien freaks. Of course there is the Faceman (from the A-team) Starbuck who comes to the rescue together with hero dude Apollo and the search for earth continues. This got followed by a great TV show we all loved as a kid and being a total Star Wars freak this series ruled the cosmos together with Buck Rogers back in those days, now and forever!! AMEN!  Superior FX, Spaceships, Space-babes, Space Battles, Aliens, Robots, Dirk Benedict, you name it, it’s all here except for nudity, but I can live with that.  I say BALTAR FOR PRESIDENT!!

Well made epic fantasy cheese fest with awesome FX, stop and go animated monsters (you can’t go wrong with that), mutants and a sexy barbarian babe in cave-girl bikini just walking around the post nuclear wasteland fighting off freaks and rapists. Too bad you only see her tiny titties in the end when she gets harassed by Skeletors cousin. There is very little dialog in this one but it’s a very tripping and hypnotic journey that has to be seen stoned. The folks who made this epic are true masters of killer FX! The monster scene’s are excellent and the castle of doom rules! This one is only for monster and mutant freaks, folks who don’t understand quality FX stay away from this one, you will be bored and you should better stick to crap like Michael Bay’s Transformers.

BLACK MAGIC (Meng Hau Ho/HK/1975)
Crazy Asian occult horror/drama stuff from the Shaw Bro’s. When a rich bitch has her eyes set on a man she cannot get she seeks help from a local black magic wizard to put some love spell on the poor guy. His fiancé and his friends find out about the black magic and seek help from a good wizard and so the colorful mindboggling battle between good and bad magic starts and it’s a whole lot of fun, breast milk, worm infections, crazy rituals, gore, nudity, demented FX, WOW! Great stuff and a pretty serious story that carries you through all the madness. I’m pretty sure this is Oprah Winfrey’s favorite movie!

BLACK MAGIC 2 (Meng Hau Ho/HK/1976)
And here is the even more bizarre sequel with less drama and more fucked up freaking horror. When some doctors discover that patients get weird diseases, pulsating ulcers and worms crawling through people’s skin they know something fishy is going on. One of the doctors thinks it’s the result of black magic and together they go investigate it and soon stumble upon the black magic wizard and its horde of voodoo zombies that he resurrects by hammering a metal spike in their heads. This all happens right before a girlfriend gets her titties milked, raped and poops out a deformed fetus. You thought the first Black Magic movie was weird? well your brain will melt with this one!! Just like some of the victims in this movie did. You get worms, maggots, plenty of nasty gore, nudity, magical weirdness, regurgitation of giblets, burned to a crisp and every other track from the CARCASS classic “reek of putrefaction” is on display in this baby. Oh!!, I forgot the pubic hair potions and eyeball eating to get super-vision. Also love the funky soundtrack in this one, you might recognize that Beastie Boys tune in the go go dance bar scene (and the B boys stole it from the Incredible Bongo Band). Total BEER & BONG classic!!

SATURN 3 (Stanley Donen/UK/1980)
Very cool looking but overlooked sci fi thriller with Kirk Dougles as an old horny space playboy/scientist who lives with his younger assistant and sex partner on a remote base on Titan, one of Saturn’s moons where they develop food supplies for planet earth. Things go bad in their little cosmic paradise when another creepy scientists shows up with his freaky robot Hector.  Hector has his robotic eyes on the assistants titties and falls in love with her and goes into an extermination modes when anybody comes between him and his sexy prey. Cool psychosexual space robo madness with great looking sets, space ships, tits, great costumes and helmets and weird looking robot with a stupid looking head. Great one to watch stoned!!.

SATAN’S SLAVE (Norman J. Warren/UK/1976)
Cool devil worshipping exploitation/horror from the guy who gave birth to INSEMINOID. A young woman goes for a holiday to her uncle who lives somewhere remote in the country and is a servant of Satan (like everybody that lives remote in the country). Ofcorpse the young slut has to be sacrificed to raise the ancient spirit of a death witch. Fun satantic rituals, naked babes getting tortured and sacrificed, satan with glowing eyes and I love the scene in the beginning where the demented cousin sexually assaults some girl with a pair of scissors, pretty kinky! It also has a man with a gigantic chin in it! A fun British horror fair from the good old days.
RACE WITH THE DEVIL (Jack Starrett/USA/1975)
1975 was a good year! And so is this need little tense thriller about a bunch of happy campers that witness the murder of a young girl that is sacrificed during some satanic ritual by some local VENOM fans. Too bad for our campers they get caught peeping and now these worshippers of Satan are after them turning their vacation in to a nightmare game of cat and mouse. With awesome car chases, violence and total paranoia as a lot of people seem to be part of this satanic cult. Forgotten Drive-In classic with the always stoned Peter Fonda!

BATTLE IN OUTER SPACE (Ishiro Honda/Jap/1959)
Planet earth is attacked by the goofy looking alien critters from planet Natal, first they take over human brains to do their dirty work in sabotaging earth defenses. Including an Iranian diplomat (can those Iranians get double brainwashed? of course!!). Then they build a base on the moon to attack earth from and suck up Tokyo and blow away the golden gate bridge. But the world leaders unite and send their troops in space to battle the invaders with funky rockets and flying space tanks and ass kicking lasers against colorful flying saucers and giant ufo’s. This movie is just one giant space battle and you can see where George Lucas got his inspiration from. Masterful FX by the Japanese gods of sci fi/fantasy cinema, flying saucers, violent death rays, aliens, superior space battles, just all the great ingredients a sci fi movie needs. Thanx mister Honda, you are the master of disaster and the miniature king!!!

Drive in monster cheese classic deluxe! When a meteor falls to pieces in the backyard of a typical American farmer’s family, the shit hits the fan. As the meteors are just space eggs with deadly spiders in them and due to cosmic radiation grow gigantic and start chewing up our beloved farmer’s family and their cattle. It is up to two NASA scientists and the local sheriff to stop the invasion of the giant spiders before it’s too late and America is tangled in the web of death. Just love the site of the giant hairy spider walking around the countryside!! Best giant spider period!!! Total cheese fest from start to finish, rubber spiders, meteors, lynch mob, sexy assed farmer’s daughter, stock footage, spectacular FX and cool soundtrack bits of cosmic noise vibrations!!! This movie deserves an Oscar!

HADEZ: guerreros de la muerte 3xLP box (Nuclear War Now/USA/2012)
Thanx to the nice folks at NWN records for digging up this noise treasure of violent raw blackened death/thrash “noisecore” slaughter!! Pure fucking primitive South American evil madness from a bunch of Peruvian Aztec mummy fuckers from hell. When you start to play the “Guerreros De La Muerte” demo from ’88 you hear total filthy ear shredding noisecore thrash destruction that would make any noise freak a happy puppy with a giant hard on!!! The drum sound is just insane on this recording and I’m pretty sure most metal fans start to cry like a little baby about it and don’t like the raw production but they just don’t appreciate true metal noise. Another highlight is the “Hadez Attack” demo from 1990 with its superior noise production. Apes, this stuff is really incredible and this whole 3 LP set is pure intense thrashing rage and sex for your ears! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED !!

PENTAGRAM: st LP (From Beyond Productions/NL/2002)
No, no this is not the hippie doom hipster band from the states but ultra nasty 80’s death/thrash maniacs from Chile. They did a couple of killer demo’s that got released on vinyl some years ago. This baby collects demo #1 and demo #2 both from 1987. These guys play deadly raw thrash that was inspired by Possessed, Slayer, Venom and Hellhammer. Due to the sound of the vocals and its crusty dark productions it also reminds me a lot of early Napalm Death (demo/scum era slower stuff). What a masterpiece of darkness and death!! This recently has been re-issued so track it down and enjoy the noise!! CULT CLASSIC!

AGONIZED: Gods… EP (Emptiness Productions/Fin/2012)
Holy shit! Thanx Emptiness for sharing this obscure demo with the rest of this rotten world. A hidden ancient Finnish death metal treasure from ’91. These guys play putrid low tuned metal of deth with a awesome production like it was recorded in a stinking swamp full of bog people eating fresh flesh from virgin bones. Nasty stuff here that will please all freaks into the extreme stech of death.

OCTAMAN (Harry Essex/USA/1971)
This movie is so much fun, makes me roll on the ground and laugh my lungs out every time I see it. A true maste piece of monster madness. The monster suit is incredible; I need one for carnival, pure gold!! This one is about some scientists that stumble upon some rubber baby octopuses in polluted water and capture them for some tests. Not knowing they pissed off big daddy octaman who goes on a rampage killing the scientist by slapping them with his rubber tentacles. The scene where the monster hides in the mobile home for a surprise attack is Oscar winning material. The creature was designed by Rick Baker (Star Wars) so you know this on rocks!! DO NOT WATCH THIS SOBER!!!

ENDGAME (Joe D’Amato/Ita/1983)
Another fine example of great Italian exploitation cinema is this post apocalypse treasure by our beloved Joe D’Amato staring cult fave’s sexy Laura Gemser, Al Cliver and the always great George Eastman. This one is pure gold and a personal fave of mine. Gemser plays a telepathic mutant girl that needs to be escorted out of the rumbles of a post nuclear city by Endgame (sort of a “The Running Man” game show) champion Ron Shannon and his band of misfits. Of course this is a dangerous trip through the nuclear wasteland of terror where they battle the blind monks, motor gangs with mutant “Planet Of The Apes” look a like’s and fish faced mutant freaks and other outlaw scum. Also there is nasty George as Kurt Karnak the invincible who has other plans than just helping the mutant girl to safety. Plenty of action, Gemser showing her nice tits,  freaks, mutants, battle cars, gas masked nazi’s and all the other ingredients that makes this a classic in the genre of 80’s thrash. UBER CLASSIC!!!!!

Another insane kung fu fantasy uber classic from the glorious SHAW BRO’S!! Totally mind boggling insanity with demented FX and tripping mushroom delirious colors and stuff that is going on that goes way beyond your imagination. The story is about two competing kung fu masters that surge for two powerful weapons named the holy flame, sort of orange and green cricket bat with a silver painted golf bal in it. Anyway fuck the story and just roll a joint and grab a Duvel and enjoy the insane ride. The fighting scenes are completely over the top and some of the coolest shit I have ever seen. This is up there with Boxers Omen in terms of craziness.  BEER & BONG SUPERIOR UBER CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!

GODZILLA VS. MEGALON (Jun Fukuda/Jap/1973)
A cinematic highlight has to be this entrée in the Godzilla series. When the angry Seatopians threaten to destroy Tokyo and mankind with the help of two nasty monsters Megalon and Gigan , the world shits its pants . Now mankind’s last stand against these deep invaders is super robot Jet Jaguar. Too bad for our colorful hero that gets his sorry ass kicked by the monsters, so he calls for help by the mighty Godzilla.  By the time Godzilla comes to save Jet Jaguars robo ass, you know the time is near for some people in foam coated suits are going to get hurt seriously! When the Godzilla stomp crushes your rubber face in half! Sure it’s a kids movie but who gives a fuck. If you don’t dig this kinda shit you have absolutely no sense of humor at all and you better get back to your artsy fartsy gay slur art house crap! The soundtrack rules the cosmos as well and has a couple of awesome tunes in it!! BEER & BONG UBER CLASSIC!!!!!

2020 TEXAS GLADIATORS (Joe D’Amato/Ita/1984)
Lovely crossbreed of spaghetti western and post apocalypse trashy action by notorious Italian exploitation king Joe D’Amato. When a small community that survived the apocalypse gets attacked by the ugly nazi dude and his new order army of freaks a bunch of Mad Max rip off dudes come to the rescue and to save the blond sluts daughter. Packed with tons of familiar faces of Italian exploitation cinema, this one is a real blast!  You get the crazy post apocalypse cars, freaks, trashy sluts, tits, blood, rape, forcefields and shit load of nasty action!! JIPPIE!!! A real VHS CLASSIC!

THE SILENCERS (Phil Karlson/USA/1966) 
The greatest of all the spy/James Bond spoof/rip off movies I’m re-discovering has to be this one, Dean Martin (The Rat Pack) is Matt Helm, the swinger and “just want to be drunk” super agent from ICE who is after the evil organization Big O who wants to nuke the world and start WWIII. Dean Martin is uber cool and well casted for the job, the girls Stella Stevens and Dahlia Lavi are total eye candy and damns sexy like the rest of the 60’s babes in this movie. The props, locations and FX are excellent and love the groovy vibe this movie has. Fuck off with Austin Powers this is the real deal! Check out the other 3 Matt Helm movies as well!! Murderers Row, The Ambushers and The Wrecking Crew. All BEER & BONG UBER CLASSICS!!!

EXCALIBUR: fils vengeur LP (Emanes Metal Recs/FRA/2008) 
AAAAARRRGGGHHH fist in the air heavy/speed metal from France, SATAN ! this is one hell of a record. Contains the bands two demo’s inc. the incredible Fils Vengeur demo from 1984. This one is a real blast, total headbanging Rob Halford screaming, spendex ball breaking heavy metal battle with great filthy metal sound and wanking guitars that tear your speakers in half. Rockers like  “Black Speed, Predateur and Exterminateur are pure gold in my book!! Get this piece of obscure French metal madness!

JUMALATION: the church of Isaac LP (Metal Warning Recs/Fin/2011)
Another underrated treasure of noise is this awesome debut album for Finlands JUMALATION, killer thrash metal highly influenced by Slayer, Dark Angel and the German thrash gods of the 80’s and inc. 3 members of Forca Macabra. Great songwriting and the vocals are fucking evil, this dude goes pretty ape a couple of times, mad, mad stuff!!!  I just fucking love every song on this record, total superior head bang marathon stuff and air guitar battles while you overdose yourself with massive amounts of beer!!  Just kill yourself while listening to “The March Of The Jumalation/Metalshock”!!!  UBER CLASSIC!

SOME GIRLS DO (Ralph Thomas/UK/1969)
Another awesome James Bond type movie is this one! Secret agent Drummond is send on a new mission to investigate the strange accidents and murders happening to folks that work on a supersonic airliner. He stubbles upon the damn sexy Baroness Helga Hagen (Daliah Lavi) who works for Mr. Petersen, a rich dude who has evil plans for the supersonic plain and with the help of his uber babe robot army (damn, those 60’s girls are fucking hot!) and some ultra sonic fancy noisecore device he tries to stop Drummond and everybody who stands in his way. Ultra groovy adventurous secret agent/spy flick with tons of uber sexy babes with big guns and ultra miniskirts, cool cars, locations, slick action and a funky soundtrack! This was the second Drummond movie, the first DEADLIER THAN THE MAIL was just as good and worth checking out as well, if it was just for those two female assassins Elke Sommer and Sylva Koscina! PLEASE HURT ME, HURT ME!!

WITHOUT WARNING (Greydon Clark/USA/1980)
From the director who gave us Black Shampoo! Comes this creepy sci fi horror about a freaking alien on the hunt for humans in the countryside. He is like Predator but way cooler with his killer flying pancake mutant critters that he uses to attack its human prey with. When a group of teens are attacked by the alien hunter two of them escape and seek help at a local bar where they meet a crazy sergeant (Martin Landau) who thinks these kids are part of an alien conspiracy and freaks out on them. Lucky for them there is good old Jack Palace who saves the kids and helps them to kick alien balls and cut its killer pancakes into pieces. Great midnight movie full of 80’s paranoia and weird characters giving the movie an extra creepy atmosphere. Also just fucking love the killer pancakes!! UBER CLASSIC STUFF!!!!

JAKA SEMBUNG (THE WARRIOR) (Sisworo Gautama Putra/Indonesia/1981)
Great black magic/fantasy/action flick with cult fave Barry Prima as Jaka Sembung, a rebel leader and hero who fights the Dutch oppression of the Indonesian people. Being from Dutchtopia this movie is extra cool seeing Dutch colonist idiots getting their asses kicked by Mr Prima who is a superior actor and ass kicker! (check The Devils Sword which is one of the greatest movies ever made!). The Dutch governor seeks help from an evil magician who resurrects a nasty warrior from the death to beat the shit out of Jaka. He gets the job done and they imprison Jaka and torture him and cut out his eyes but Jaka escapes and gets help from a good wizard giving him superior powers and a pair of new eyeballs. Now Jaka takes his revenge on the evil warrior and the Dutch oppressors in an insane mind boggling battle that needs to be seen to believe! You like cheesy FX, flying limbs, eyeballs, gore, bad ass kung fu and black magic fireworks you need to check this one out right away!! It’s up there with some of the demented Shaw Bro’s stuff! AWESOME!!!!!!

TOWER OF EVIL (Jim O’Conolly/UK/1972) 
Great little campy horror adventure that plays like and adult episode of Scooby Doo but without Scooby and with plenty of tits in it! When an insane woman is found among a bunch of murdered folks killed by an ancient sword on a remote lighthouse island. A group of archeologists decide to return to the mysterious horror island with its abandoned lighthouse, shrouded in fog to hunt for ancient treasure (a recipe for terror of course). But when people are getting murdered and pushed of the tower they know they are not alone on the island. Some people know more than others about the mysteries the island is hiding and about the killer that is on the loose. Great old school horror, with some gore, nudity inc. uber sexy ass babe Nora! Plus awesome ancient evil demon statue that I want in my living room!! A real forgotten about horror treasure!! 

HANZO THE RAZOR: SWORD OF JUSTICE (K. Misumi/Jap/1972) :THE SNARE (Y. Masumara/Jap/1973): WHO’S GOT THE GOLD (Y. Inoue/Jap/1974) 
Superior exploitation samurai trilogy about Hanzo, a law enforcer and a super mack with a big dick to interrogate the lusty ladies with. He is like Dirty Harry and Shaft rolled up in one nasty Samurai killing machine. He is like the James Bond from middle age Japan with all his killing gadgets hidden in his house of pleasure. With the help of his 2 silly sidekicks Hanzo beats the corrupt and helps out the poor while fucking a bag of rice. He is the true master of justice!! Seek out his adventures and enjoy the bumpy ride, sex and violence in a glorious way!! BEER & BONG CLASSICS!!

NIGHT OF THE LEPUS (William F.Claxton/USA/1972) 
Hilarious cult classic monster madness, well monsters? We’re talking about cuddly giant bunny rabbits going ape and feast upon mankind. When some scientists try and stop a rabbit plague with some hormone preparation they turn the cute bunnys into gigantic killers that start eating their way through America’s southwest population. Good for them the U.S. Army and visitors of the local drive in cinema come to the rescue. You want to see blood splattered killer rabbits walking through miniature movie sets like fucking Godzilla you need to check this out at ones!

FATHOM (Leslie H. Martinson/UK/1967) 
Fun and campy spy romp with uber sexy Raquel Welch who gets caught up in a web of lies while searching for the golden dragon. On her path she encounters various people who want to help her out but have an agenda of their own as well. But most of all this movie is about Rachel just being a damn fucking sexy chick in her sweet looking bikini and every other outfit she has, pure eye candy nonstop. Throw in some light action and suspense, a fun story and a groovy soundtrack and you have a great relaxing time watching this forgotten classic! Oh, it has exploding earrings in it as well!! James Bond, watch out here’s FATHOM!!

MALICIOUS ONSLAUGHT: brutal gore PIC  LP (Unisound Recs/Gre/1994) 
Another forgotten noise treasure is this insane piece of demented death/trash/grind gem. U.S. masters of disaster MALICIOUS ONSLAUGHT second album is pure gold!! Probably due to the insane production this record sounds totally psychotic and instruments go all over the place turning it into a chaotic mass of violent grinding death thrash, bands like Prophecy Of Doom, Deicide and Disharmonic Orchestra come to mind but this one is even more primitive and deformed. I even hear some CSMD in it HA HA HA, if we would play U.S. type death metal we would probably sound something like this. I just fucking love this record!! Beyond excellent extreme shit with superior production values!!

SHUB NIGGURATH: horror creatures LP (American Line Prod/Mex/2011) 
Nasty ancient occult metal of deth from the filthy rotten pits of Mexican hell, that is the best way to describe this horror beast of metal slaughter. Imagine you put Morbid Angel and Suffocation in a blender, mixed with some dried remains of an Aztec mummy and some hot Mexican virgin blood, pore this oozing mixture of putrid gore and metal onto the sun backed Mexican desert floor and the tentacles of Cthulhu rise up and brings forth SHUB NIGGURATH. This lovely record contains Horror Creatures demo from ’89, Unknown Adorer EP from ’91 and the Blasphemies of the Netherworld EP from ’92. A must have for death metal freakazoids!

ANAL MASSAKER: ka ka!! EP (Schnauf Recs/Ger/1991) 
Goldie oldie grind/noisecore fave from the old days. This one is among the best stuff AxMx did, totally insane grinding blurr core holocaust, 19 blasts from the glorious past! Ernie Presents, Reek Of Farz, Infest Anal Tract, Extreme Rotten Pathologie, Mind Control By Animal Testing, Kill Your Idols and tons more. A real hit machine any noisecore/grind enthusiast should have in his collection! UBER CLASSIC!!

GENOCIDE ASSOCIATION: sonik lobotomy tape EP (D.I.Y./??/200?)
GENOCIDE ASSOCIATION was Digby Pearson’s (founder of Earache recs) noise project thing he did with a friend of him back in the early 80’s. Sampling/looping riffs from all kinds of early punk and hardcore tapes/records and put their own punk vox over it. Making an astonishing 105 track demo (this EP only contains a part of that original ‘83 demo) Anyway it’s a feast for your noisy ears and you will recognize a lot of familiar riffs and pieces from hardcore classics. Great effort in ancient noise violence!

IRON CURTAIN: black fist EP (Anger Of Metal +2/Ger/2012)
We have another winner here!! One of my fave records of this year and one that will stick in my all time fave list for a long time. IRON CURTAINS debut LP was already a major hit in my living room while having a THC/beer session and trashing the couch and their latest EP only proves these Spanish rockers are among the best if it comes to “cheesy” heavy/speed metal rocking mother fucking action. Everything about this little platter rules, the main theme “Black(Leather) Fist” is a monster hit!!! And the Iron Maiden /Raven like hits on the B side are pretty fucking awesome as well. Fucking 100% 80’s metal atmosphere is what this baby breaths!!!

SLIME CITY (Greg Lamberson/USA/1988) 
Awesome low budget splatter fest for fans of STREET TRASH. When Alex move’s into a crappy apartment complex that houses a bunch of weirdo’s. He gets invited for some green yogurt yummy yum dinner with a fresh bottle of green wine. Not knowing its some strange brew made by a former tenant and occultist Zachery who committed suicide with his followers years ago. Now Alex slowly turns into a slimy mutant freak and starts killing hobo’s and gang members. Only his girlfriend can stop the slimy madness in splatter style fashion,. Get ready for a healthy dose of gory humor, crawling brains and cut of limbs covered in tasty green slime! BEER & BONG CLASSIC!

GOLDEN TEMPLE AMAZONS (Alain Payet & Jesus Franco/Fra/1986) 
Not as good as Barbarian Queen but still a whole lot of fun for the whole family! After her parents get killed by the amazons (who look pretty white and Swedish for a bunch of Amazon jungle warrior babes) for stealing some gold from their temple. Our heroin Liana, queen of the jungle, half naked and friend of all the animals wants to take revenge. With the help of Rocky the chimp, a crazy witch doctor who mumble’s oenka boenka boenka and uses firecrackers as magic powers and a couple of others she sets off to the golden temple to take revenge and gets caught and tortured by an Ilsa “She wolf of the SS” look alike. Man this is good, loads of titties, ultra hot naked babe!!, chimp, bad ass dialog, dubbing and acting and more bouncing tits and some nice jungle stock footage making this a must see adventure and a laugh riot! SUPERIOR SHIT!! Way better than any of the TRANSFORMER MOVIES!

HARD TICKET TO HAWAII (Andy Sidaris/USA/1987) 
What a craptastic masterpiece of brainless fun and so bad its good entertainment!!!. Get your beer, joints and popcorn ready for the cinematic ride of your life, goes this one stars Ridge, the guy from “The bold And The Beautiful” as an action hero WTF!!!(I always thought he was gay) a gay looking ponytailed side-kick-box expert, a couple of Playmates in heat and a fantastic looking rubber snake, razorblade Frisbee, Skateboard assassin with blowup doll and tons of bikini babes showing off their big juicy melons! and a bunch of other great characters.  Sure there is some sort of story but that’s unimportant. Just press the play button and let your brain disconnect from its spine and enter the wonderful world of Andy Sidaris. AMEN!

When the local People’s Army (a black power movement) turns into armed fighting squad in SS uniforms to stand up against a bunch of white thugs and their gay drug lord. Things go downhill for the black community as well when the black Gestapo starts marching through the streets taking the drug and prostitution business over from the white trash they were fighting against. Cheap trashy blaxploitation flick that needs to be seen for a good laugh, damn sexy nurse, funny white thugs, cheap tits, some good old fashioned ultra violence and tons of bad ass acting and cheesy dialogs. Not the best blaxploitation flicks out there but sure an entertaining one with friends and a couple of beers.

WERE GOING TO EAT YOU (Tsui Hark/HK/1980) 
Completely insane kung fu cannibal comedy. When agent 999 is send to a remote island to arrest the notorious thief Rolex he discovers the village on the island is inhabited by blood thirsty cannibals and their leader has no plans for our agent and Rolex to leave the island alive. He wants them hacked up for bbq!! This horror comedy is packed with fast paced action and awesome kung fu fighting as agent 999 has to fight its way through tons of gut munching cannibal freaks and a horny lotus blossom that looks like a giant ugly female Frankenstein. Fucking over the top shit you got to see if you are a fan of kung fu and cannibal movies!!! There is a piece of Goblin’s Suspiria soundtrack in it as well!

Great demented monster spoof from Troma with a great cast full of familiar faces inc. a young Paul Walker, Donald Moffat, Henry Gibson, Fergie and tons of others. A crazy looking monster kills people in their closet and mass panic breaks lose. A reporter that looks like Clark Kent/Superman is checking things out with the help of professor, his daughter and a priest. The professor tries to lure the monster with a xylophone and wants to communicate with it before the army bombs its brains out. Loads of hilarious stuff going on and tons of references to other movies like Close Encounters, Psycho, Aliens and War Of The Worlds. Awesome 50’s monster movie parody!

THE NERDS / TUNNEL RATS: split 10” (Scarey Records/Ita/2002) 
Scumbags, first let me tell you that you only need this for the NERDS side. The Tunnel Rats are O.K. and I dig their “Symptom Of The Universe”cover from Sabbath but it is the Nerds side that gives me a rock hard tentacle. Total Rupture stomper stuff if you know what I mean. Nasty hateful punk rock to molest punk hippies and disco fuckers on while snorting coke and drinking Duvel. They do a nice Paranoid cover as well, for fans of Rupture, GG Allin and Antiseen a must!!!

NECROFAGO: brutal mutilation LP (Nuclear War Now/USA/2011) 
Here’s two platters that will turn a smile on Satan’s face! First up is the incredible “Brutal Mutilation” demo from the mighty NECROFAGO from Brazil. To be honest it would have been better if they just released the demo on a 7”EP and skip the rest of the crap. The live stuff on side B is horrible sounding even for a Merzbow record. But that 3 track demo from 1988 is pure noisecore gold!! Uhmm…I mean blackened death thrash gold. It has a superior production, imagine Confuse playing Sodom and Sepultura tunes while fucking drunk! Completely over the top sloppy thrash with a drummer that goes all over the place and just butchering the skins and smashing the skulls of rotten Christians. It’s pure fucking evil madness, you don’t appreciate real metal of death if you don’t dig this. This is not for melodic metal pussy’s!!

MARTIRE: st 12”EP (Nuclear War Now/2007/USA)
Now if you have a head left to bang with and it has not been torn from its ugly romp you should check out this beauty of violent and insanely fast Satanic evil from Oz named MARTIRE, originaly released on CD back in 1991 and later as a 7”EP here is the ultimate version on 12”EP in ultra sound destruction. 6 sonic attacks that clock just around 15 min before the downwfall of humanity starts and the apocalypse begins!! Total speedcore death thrash horror that just wants to make you unearth your death dog remains and ram your dick in its decomposed skull while overdosing on cheap beer !! Bestial metal slaughter!!!!!!!!
Fun 50’s sci fi flick with some cool looking alien invaders with “classic” light-bulb shaped heads! So you know this is going to be ape O.K.!! These little invaders land in a small town and stumble upon a young couple in love, to be correct, one of the green critters head bounces against the car of the couple but his severed hand takes revenge!! Of course the police doesn’t believe their story and the army has its hands full with covering up the UFO they have spotted. Fast moving light comedy drive in monster madness from the good old days!!

NAILED DOWN: violent distortion 10” (Bad Card Recs+2/Fra/199?) 
Originally I picked this up back in ’95 goes It had an ex Rupture member in it and the guy at Independent Outlet/Amsterdam recommended to me goes it sounded like Rupture and he knew I was a Rupture freakazoid. It was a 3” CD released by Profane Existence Far East (see pic on the right) and I was blown away by it and it turned out to be a hit record among my drinking and smoking buddy’s. Sure it’s no Corrupture but it comes pretty close and the title pretty much covers the substance, violent pissed off fast hardcore distortion with some Japanese influences. Thank Satan for Bad Card Recs and two other cats for giving this the vinyl treatment a couple of years later. If you not already own a copy you better grab one from discogs before it’s gone!!! AWESOME STUFF!!!

SOCIAL DECAY: demo 1985 EP (Scared Youth Recs/USA/2011) 
HELL YEAH, amazing demo reissue by this obscure killer trashy hardcore/punk band from New Jersey/USA. This is their first demo from 1985 and what a fucking smasher!! 6 blast of hardcore thrash circle pit pogo madness and face stompers! Hope to find their “Life’s Not Hard” 7”EP someday!!KILL OR DIE!

The director that brought us War Of The Worlds and Treasure Island also made this pure genius sci fi epic Robinson Crusoe On Mars!!!(lucky bastard!) and just to slap you in the face it has BATMAN (Adam West)in it as well, just for a short time goes he dies pretty fast and ugly. Now I don’t have to tell you the story about Robinson Crusoe goes every clown in the world knows that and it’s obvious he’s not on some remote island in the pacific’s. This uber mushroom/thc classic has it all (except for naked space babes), space-ape!!!, banana-paste, space ship, ufo’s, planet Mars, dude from another planet, just mind boggling stuff space noise freaks know about only. Superior, no let me say it straight, far beyond CGI spectacular FX, the Mars landscape and stuff is fucking tripping. Check out the Martian food that looks like a crossbreed of Seaweed sausages. just love every detail in this movie. BEER & BONG UBER CLASSIC!!!

WHEN EIGHT BELLS TOLL (Etienne Perier/UK/1971) 
Gritty James Bond type adventure/crime flick with a young Anthony Hopkins as the secret agent who is send off to the coast of Scotland where ships mysteriously disappear. No glamour and glitter and fancy gadgets in this one, just oldschool tough guy adventure/action stuff. No sexy babes in string bikini although Nathalie Delon aint that bad in her grandmas underwear. Love the wild Scottish scenery and the unpleasant atmosphere. Forgotten about James Bond rip off that fucking rules!! 

ABOMINATION: demos LP (Doomentia Recs/Czech Rep./2012)
Great idea releasing those awesome demo’s onto vinyl. If you are not familiar with the band Abomination then please check them out at once! Great aggressive punishing thrash with caveman drum work. Another one of those legendary bands where Paul Speckmann was involved in (Master, Deathstrike). Side A has Demo 1 from 1988 inc. The Truth track later used on the MASTER debut LP and B side has demo 2 from 1989. This platter is pure trashing rage of the highest level, total fucking aggression and every track on it is a masterpiece of metal madness, no fillers to be found here. Bang your head until it bleeds!!

ACID: st LP (Giant Recs/Bel/1982)
ACID are female fronted speed metal legends from Belgium and this is their glorious debut album “acid”. 10 tracks of double bass galloping heavy metal action. Imagine the grim reaper was a girl than this would be her band!! Ghostriders, Hell On Wheels, Hooked On Metal, Heavens Devils… you know the deal with titles like these. This should be up there with Venom’s black metal and Metallica’s Kill Em All that fucking good it is!! You want some heavy metal overdose than dig this up and start reaping the metal axe of deth!!! UBER UNDERRATED CLASSIC!!!

WOW!! What a great and forgotten about space adventure!! Our space hero Wolff an intergalactic bounty hunter sets off to a distant planet ridden with disease and mutant freaks. There he has to save 3 women who have crash landed and are now captured by the evil ruler Overlord who is half robot and half freak. With the help of a bounty hunter friend and a local “not so hot” chick that knows her way through the forbidden zone. Together they get in all kinds of trouble with local monsters and mutants before battling the Overdog and save the hot babes from the terror circus. This movie is just fucking AWESOME!! Mutants, monsters, space ships, cyborgs, post apocalypse super cars and battle train, explosions, laser and 100% cosmic adventure!! UBER CLASSIC SCI FI!!!!
DEAD HEAT (Mark Goldblatt/USA/1988)
Another treasure from the 80’s is this zombie cop classic. When two LAPD cops investigate the death of a bunch of zombified criminals they stumble upon a resurrection machine at some pharmaceutical firm. When one of the cops gets shot his friends put him into the machine bringing him back to life as a zombie super cop and no bullets that can stop him.  But they are in a hurry to solve this case goes our zombie cop is slowly rotting away. Crazy action flick, with some super duper FX, nasty looking zombies, Vincent Price!!, loads of shooting and some gore for the horror freaks among us. Its Beverly Hills Cop meets Night Of The Living Dead!! The scene in the Chinese butcher shop where all the Peking ducks and pork chops come to life is just FANTASTIC!!

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